


Lucid Consciousness

by Rae_Todd



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Eren Yeager, Death, Depressed feelings, Doctor Eren, Doctor/Patient, Fear of unknown, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Hospital, Monsters in the dark, Patient Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sex, Suicide Attempt, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:13:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6528790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rae_Todd/pseuds/Rae_Todd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi goes through hell with his work and all of his feelings. They push him too far and he ends up in the nut house. Things wont go so well and he will find himself facing his own madness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucid Consciousness

**Author's Note:**

> There's a bit of pushed on sex and a suicide attempt if any of that is a trigger please do not read!! I will try to have the next chapter up soon!! If you cant read the first chapter than fill free to skip it. Thank you

The pain, the feeling, the hunger. It all eats at me every single day. Every single hour I lay awake on my bed. My body burns with the want of something I can not have. The feeling of want, want to have something more. All of these feelings growl at me through out the night. Whispering, growling, yelling, screaming. That’s all they seem to do anymore. Not even the peacefulness of piano music can drive them away.

This night is no different. I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling as the feelings try to take hold once more. I know tomorrow I have a busy day but I can not fall asleep. The lights from the city pour in my large window causing blue and yellow lights to drift into the plain white room. My soft silk sheets only dance across my body as I move to shift once more. They bring me no comfort. Hours have already passed and it seems like years to me.

Another hour passes by and the sun starts to come but dragging me from my thoughts and needs. I glance at the time, an half hour before my alarm. Quickly I turn the devil thing off before it can even reach my ears. I get out of my bed and walk into the bathroom. I don't even glance into the mirror knowing exactly what it will show.  
After my shower and getting ready I settle in my kitchen enjoying a cup of coffee as I wait on my driver to come. Today is supposed to be a warm day but still I wear a suit, a simple one. My blue eyes glance over at the window seeing the sun kiss over the buildings below. I look away and down more of my coffee.

A buzz breaks me out of my thoughts as the car is now here. I put down my mug in the sink and head to the door. Opening it I see my driver. He takes me out of the building and into my car. Once there he drives off not saying a word to me. As I like it. Silence. I don’t ease back in my seat, I stay sitting straight looking down at my phone and looking for the plans for today.

I work in a big business building. Nothing much there. A boss that fucks my brains out, a nice office, and the right to do my own thing. But just like everything in my life, it seems useless. Once I get to the office I get out of the car and I head up to my room. Everything is nicely clean, the desk is a dark shinny wood, the chair black leather. I have no pictures of family, because I have none. The only person i am a little close to is my boss that sticks his dick up my ass.  
My phone rings and I walk behind my desk taking a seat before answering in a grim voice as normal. “Hello?”

“Ahh Mr. Ackerman. It’s nice to hear that you are in this morning.” My boss hums through the phone in his normal good clean mood, but he cant full me. I know he is wearing a smug grin.

I clear my throat a bit. “Is there something I can help you with Mr. Smith?” I lean back in my chair.

He gives a little chuckle, a chuckle that could get anyones heart racing but it no longer does that to me. “I would like to see you some time today”  
Oh wouldn't you? I roll my eyes a bit. “What time sir?”

“Lunch. In my office. Don’t bother to bring food.”

Of course, another day with out lunch. “Yes sir. See you then” I hang up and huff out a sigh. Running my fingers through my hair I glance at the computer. That deathly thing that keeps me busy through all hours of the day. I don’t even want to touch it but I know I must.

I open the computer and my fingers ghost over the worn down keys. Taking a soft breath I punch in my log in and check my emails. I then get started with work. Simple easy work, a monkey with a laptop can do it honestly. I should be running this company but of course I’m not, I’m stuck under a big gorilla who cant keep his dick in his pants.

Yes I do think of my boss’s dick a lot mostly because at least once every day it is either in my ass or in my mouth. The thought makes me feel sick so I push it away and get back to work quickly.

The day goes way too fast, making lunch time come too quickly. Once it comes I shut my laptop and stand. Quietly I walk out of my office and go down the hall. I knock on the door once I reach Mr. Smith’s office.

“Come in” He calls through the door his voice a bit rough and scratchy. It makes my skin crawl but I open the door anyways. He looks up at me and smirks. “Close the door behind you” he says as he pushes his chair back.

I step in and close the door. “What will it be today Erwin? Blow job or fuck?” I ask.

“How about we both get treated and have both?” He keeps his deep smirk on his face.

“As you wish Sir” Really I mean well how about you go fuck your damn self. I slowly walk over as he pushes his chair back more to let me fit between him and the desk. I get down on my knees. I’ve done this way too many times. Quietly I unbutton his pants as he pushes my hair out of my face. I pull down his zipper and move his pants down slightly along with his boxers. I get out his soft cock. Sure it is pretty large and a I guess nice looking cock but I’m more dominant so i do not enjoy this thing going up my ass even though I do come. You hit just the right place in anyone and they are broken and under your control.

“Make this fast Levi. I want to fuck your ass before lunch is over.” he mumbles a bit. I don’t answer him and I just start jerking him off.  
I feel him start to get hard in my hand and I take a little breath. Once he is fully hard I lean up and take the head of his cock in my mouth. I flick my tongue over the slit and suck, sucking hard just how he likes it. I get a groan from him as I start bobbing my head. I don’t look up at him, I don’t meet his eyes, I only do my job. I keep bobbing my head and take him all the way down my throat. My throat tries to close up around his large length but I keep it from doing so. I feel his pubic hair tickling my nose and that almost makes me gag. Ignoring it I keep bobbing my head.

His fingers find their way into my hair and tug. I start bobbing my head faster and sucking a bit harder. I can feel him twitching in my throat and know he wont last long at all. I continue doing what I’m doing before he grabs a handful of my hair and pulls me off of his dick forcefully. I hold back a grunt in pain as he holds my head there my face close to his cock.

“Close your eyes Levi” He orders breathlessly as he starts jerking himself off.

Great a facial. Not what I wanted on a fucking Monday. I close my eyes quickly and I hear him let out a deep moan as I feel his warm white come cover my face. It gets on my cheeks, forehead, hair, freaking everywhere it shouldn't be!

He chuckles. “Good boy” he stands and pulls me up with him. Some how he is still hard after that. I glance to him as he pulls down my pants and boxers. He turns me around and bends me over his desk. I hear him pop open the lube and I close my eyes tightly. He rubs the lube all over his hard cock not even going to prepare me, but this is normal. He never has given a fuck.

Before I know it the sex is over with. I didn't come this time, hell I don’t even think I got hard. He never hit the right place this time but it didn't matter to him, his come dripped out of my ass hole making me cringe. It was over now, time for me to go back to work and leave him. I carefully stand and fix my pants. He sits and doesn't say a word. I walk to the bathroom connected to his office.

Quickly I wash my face and clean myself up a bit. I’m in pain but I push the pain away. Once I finish cleaning myself up I walk out of his office with out saying a word and I go to mine. I sit down and grit my teeth. I hate my job. I hate my boss. I hate being a play toy. I hate all of it.

Shaking my head I force myself out of this feeling. I take a deep breath and get back on my laptop to get more work done. Tonight I am going out to a bar and getting drunk, no way around it.

After the long day I get my driver to drive me to a bar down town. I tell him to just leave me there and wait for my call. He does as I ask and I make my way inside. When the bartender sees me he quickly makes my drink. I come here way too often but it helps calm me and relax my mind.

I sit at the bar and loosen my tie as I grab my already made drink. I quickly down it as the bar tender turns on the news for me. He knows not to speak to me and knows to keep his distance, thankfully he does tonight. He makes me drink after drink till I’m hammered and it’s midnight.

Drunkenly I get out my phone and don't look for my drivers number but instead my boss’s. I dial it quickly and hold the phone to my ear.  
He answers tiredly. “Levi? Why are you calling me at this hour?” He mumbles in a husky tired voice.

“I need a ride home and we need to talk” Even though I’m drunk I’m very good at speaking. Not walking though. Most of the time I’m horny but tonight I’m angry.

“Why don't you just call your driver?” He yawns.

“Because we need to speak now. Now get your clothes on and drive to the bar down town.”

“Fine” I can hear the anger in his voice. He hangs up.

I smirk and grab my drink chugging it down. My body burns with the alcohol and it makes me relax. I love the feeling, love the rush, love the warmth that covers my cold soul.  
It takes half an hour for Erwin, Mr. Smith, to show up. When he does he walks into the bad and sees me drinking. My hair is a mess and there’s a drink in my hand being chugged at the moment. Erwin comes over quickly and grabs my hand forcing the glass away.

“That’s enough Levi” He grumbles.

I look to him “Ahhh! The big man has come!”

His glare is hard and set on me. “Pay and then I’m taking you home” He raises his voice.

I roll my eyes. “Yeah whatever.” I pull out my wallet and pay for the drinks and leave a nice tip. Once I’m done Erwin picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. “Oi! Put me down!” I yell.

He doesn't listen and just takes me out of the bar and to his nice car. He opens the door and throws me inside. I hit the seat hard and before i can move he buckles me up and slams the door. Rage has filled him, nothing but anger. He walks to the drivers side and gets in before starting the car.

“You’re an ass hole” I mumble.

“Levi what the hell were you thinking?” He asks angrily as he drives quickly.

“I was thinking I’m tired of sucking your cock and being fucked by your cock so I’m gonna get drunk”

He glances over at me. “Is that so?” He asks angrily.

“It is so. I’m so tired of having to fuck you and suck you for you to pay me. Like that’s not even my job. I should have your job but no I’m stuck with monkey work and pleasing your cock getting nothing out of it”

“I suggest you hold your tongue Levi”

“I suggest you keep your dick in your pants. I’m tired of it. I’m tired of your dick in my ass and I’m tired of getting come all over my face. I didn't get this job to suck your dick. I’m way more qualified then you anyways. I should have your job running the company but no of course I don't and so you treat me like your little slut.”

He grits his teeth his grip hard on the wheel. Quickly he pulls down an ally way. He unbuckles himself and grabs my face hard. My eyes are wide on him. “I suggest you shut your damn mouth “ He growls out.

I glare at him and I quickly spit in his face. That’s it, I just made the bomb go off. He lets go of my face and quickly gets out of the car. He hurries to my side of the car and unbuckles me dragging me out before throwing me against the building.

“L-Let go of me you big ugly gorilla!” I manage out quickly.

He holds me against the wall before he throws a punch hitting my face. My head swings to the side. In my drunken stupor it’s hard for me to get control and kick his ass. He chuckles and quickly throws another punch hitting my gut causing me to gasp and lean forward. Erwin lets go of me and lets me fall to my knees.

“You will learn your place slut” He growls out as he quickly unbuttons his pants and pulls out his cock. He strokes it to get it hard. Even in this dim light i can see it get hard. I move back the best I can but I have no room between Erwin and the wall. Quickly he grabs my face forcing my mouth open. I try to get away but he quickly thrusts his cock in my mouth. I gasp in some air through my nose as he starts thrusting quickly hitting the back of my throat over and over.

I glare up at him before I know what I must do. I close my eyes quickly and when his cock is all the way in my mouth and down my throat I bite it and bite hard. He screams out and my mouth fills with blood. I keep my bite down and hard. He grabs a hand full of my hair and tries to pull me off of him. I want his dick gone. I want to bite it the fuck off.  
Erwin punches me in the face once more and my head goes swinging back letting go of my bite. Blood runs down from my lips. His once hard cock down soft and bleeding. Gritting his teeth he puts it back in his pants. His body is shaking with the pain. I love seeing that. He grabs me again and throws a few more punches.

Once he is finished I pant heavily laying on the ground happy with what I have done. “You’re fired jack ass. Don’t even come to the office for your shit” He says to me angrily and spits on me. Then he quickly gets in his car and drives off.

I cough a bit. My wounds weren't so bad. Maybe a busted lip. Sure he hit me a lot but he is weak, very weak. Slowly I sit up and look around. Well now I guess I walk home. Forcing myself up I take a little breath. The alcohol still running through my body.

Before I can start walking someone calls out and shines a flashlight. “Hello?” They call in a way too soft voice, but i know it’s a man.

“You’ve already seen the show get lost” I yell a bit. The light lands on me and I shied my eyes from it. “Fucker I said move on”

“You need help. I’m a doctor.” Foot steps hurry quickly to me. A tall man gently tries to get himself under my arm.

I get a look at his face from his light. “You’re a bit young to be a doctor” I mumble as I let him help me out of the ally way.

He takes me to his car. “Well I guess so. I just got out of school last year.” He opens the door to his car and helps me in. He then goes to his side and gets in.

“Just take me home. I only need to sleep this off” I mumble.

He looks over. “We should go to the cops.”

I glare at him a bit. “Look kid I’m drunk no cop will believe me or believe a kid doctor.”

He sighs and looks away. “Fine… Where do you live?” He starts his car.  
I tell him my address before leaving my head against the door as he drives. The alcohol took care of the pain in my wounds making me feel nothing. Good thing I did get drunk. But the taste of dick and blood still sticks around in my mouth making me want to gag.

“My name is Eren. Eren Jaeger” The kid doctor says as he drives.

“You’re still a kid” I mumble. He gets to my apartment quickly. “Thanks for the ride.” Before he can ask to help anymore I get out of the car and stumble inside. I go up to my room and to my bedroom. I then fall on my bed. For once in weeks, sleep takes me all too easily. I pass out quickly.

 

I sleep till late afternoon, sleeping past my alarm. When I wake up I groan as the sunlight from my windows fall over my face. I roll over to look away from it wanting nothing more than to sleep but I know it wont take me now. Slowly I sit up and look around. I feel a pain in my chest. Memories of last night fill my head.  
Erwin hurt me, then fired me for bitting his dick. I was nothing but a slut to him, not even a good worker. I have nothing left now. He’s going to trash my name make it impossible for me to get a job. I have no family or friends.

The feelings fill me. The need and pain fills my whole body. i know what I must do. I get up quickly and don’t even bother changing my clothing. I go to my closet and get out a rope. I grip it and quickly tie it into a noose. I then go into my living room and stand on a chair hanging it to my ceiling fan. I’ve read online of how to do this. It will be simple and an easy way out.

I’m not needed on this earth. Not needed in this world. I go into my kitchen and write a quick goodbye letter.

It reads,

_“Dear who ever is reading this, or who ever even cares._

_I have chosen to leave this world finding no need to go on. I don't have to worry about leaving anyone behind because no one gives a shit. I will not bash anyones name but only thank people for what they have done through my life. I want to thank my driver for he is one of the only good people I have found in this world. I want to thank my ex boss for even giving me a job. I don't really like my ex boss but I wont get into that._

_This is my goodbye. I’ve got nothing left to say. Goodbye.”_

After I am finished with my letter I go back into the living room and climb onto the chair. I stand and put the noose around my neck making sure it’s good and tight. The roughness of the rope scratches at my neck telling me what is to come.

I let my eyes close. Freedom here I come. I step off of the chair. Darkness fills my world after just a few seconds….

 

Yelling and such fills my ears ripping me out of my comforting darkness. I feel hands all over my body no longer feeling the rope. The feeling of a cold table underneath me fills me with only dread.

“What happened here?” I hear a man ask.

“We found him in his apartment. He tried to kill himself.” A woman says.

“Alright get him to the Titan’s Home. There’s nothing more we can do for him. His neck isn't broken and it seems he has only suffered rope burn.” The man says.

After that I’m wheeled off. Darkness fills my world once more as my last thought is, Is this hell?


End file.
